My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize