WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
