Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
