Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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