Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't turn off my feet"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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