it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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