Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
