i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
