Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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