Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize