Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize