Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize