i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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