I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
