drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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