I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
