i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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