Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Shame is for Republicans.
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