I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
