So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
