i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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