I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
