i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
