so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
