He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
