I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
