i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
