tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
