She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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