Will you blow on my dice?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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