dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
