I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
