dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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