My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
