first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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