This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How external is "for external use only"?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
