You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I pour the whiskey from now on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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