she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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