Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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