If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you mean i was at the winter classic?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
