she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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