You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
