did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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