I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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