Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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