My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
