Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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