I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
