So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
