Need sex. Gaining weight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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