So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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