you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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