Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
