Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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