I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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