i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
