saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
