He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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