So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
