so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
