I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
