Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
