She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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