you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
