Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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