i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
