So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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