I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
