shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
