I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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