First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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