you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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