only if we run a train.
done.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
