If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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