end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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