If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
